Date After Betrayal

It had been two years since my wife, Gwen, blindsided me by leaving me for my best friend, Jack. The pain of that double betrayal was a pain that I had never felt before in my life. I trusted them both without question and they betrayed me. They waited for me to come home from work to tell me as a couple with divorce papers.

Of course, they were sorry. They never meant to hurt me. It just happened, they never meant to fall in love. And all the other bullshit that cheaters like to justify their shitty behaviour. All I knew was that they had been seeing each other for six months. All those girls’ nights out and staying at a friend’s house because she had too much to drink were nights with Jack. Those same nights Jack couldn’t keep me company and go out drinking were because he had Gwen staying over. I felt like an idiot. It was all in front of me and I never noticed because I trusted them.

Gwen moved out immediately to live with Jack and the divorce proceedings started. I was lucky. Gwen moving out meant I was able to keep the house. I was delighted with my lawyer. I had been recommended her by a colleague at work whose husband cheated on her too. She cleaned her ex-husband out. Gwen didn’t say anything, but I know she wasn’t happy. She wanted half the house. She and Jack had big spending plans.

One of the reasons Gwen gave me for leaving me was that I wasn’t fun. She confided in Jack who agreed with her. It was obvious then why Jack never had any long-term girlfriends, he was always in love with Gwen.

With the divorce out of the way, the new single me fell into depression. I lost friends because they refused to take sides and saw Gwen and Jack. My self-esteem was next to zero. With the help of therapy, I built myself back up. It was tough but I did it. I was proud of myself, even if I had no one to share my success. One thing I continued to struggle with and that was trusting people. I stopped allowing people to get too close to me because I thought they would betray me.

This was why I started dating again. I wanted to trust again. Until I did that, I knew I would never be fully healed. I tried dating apps and accepted blind dates. Going out and dating terrified me.

So, I was standing at the restaurant bar waiting for my blind date. I was told I would know her when I saw her which was vague, but beggars couldn’t be choosers.

“Hello, Will,” a nervous voice that I recognised said from behind me.

I turned around and a flurry of emotions shot through me. Nerves turned into surprise which turned into anger.

“Hello,” I greeted Jack’s younger sister, Maddie, tersely.

“How are you?” she asked.

“Good.”

“Have you been here long?”

“A little while. What is it you want? I’m waiting for a date,” I told her bluntly and unkindly.

Her expression told me everything.

“You have to be kidding me. I knew tonight was going to be a bust,” I said irritably, and I went to leave.

I was surprised when Maddie grabbed my arm and said desperately, “Please, Will, don’t go. Can we at least have dinner? I will explain everything. If you’re still not happy then we can call it a night.”

It was the way she looked at me that persuaded me to stay. It was her desperation and her pleading eyes. It wasn’t those of someone who wanted to hurt me or play a trick on me.

We sat down at our table. Maddie looked extremely nervous and worried. I was feeling wary and hostile.

“I want to say first that I am ashamed of Jack for what he did to you. It was horrible. My parents are ashamed of him too.”

“Thank you,” I replied, my demeanour softening.

“My parents never accepted Gwen. Jack had some nasty arguments with them over her. I was furious with Jack and refused to have anything to do with Gwen either. They aren’t together anymore, you know. They split up. Jack said Gwen cheated on him with a guy she met in a bar.”

Hearing that Jack broke up with Gwen because she cheated broke my deadpan exterior and I started to laugh. My laughter made Maddie smile for the first time.

“Thank you so much,” I told her gratefully. “I needed to hear that. Talk about karma!”

“Jack was so cut up about it and he got no sympathy from anyone.”

“I bet he was,” with Maddie’s peace offering, I couldn’t keep up the hostile act any longer. The truth was that I had always liked Maddie. We used to talk a lot whenever we met. I liked Jack’s parents too. They were always good to me, but, after what Jack did, seeing them was too painful.

“It’s nice to see you smile,” she told me shyly. “I like it when you smile.”

I looked at her properly for the first time. She had her long blonde hair, she had, the last time I saw her, been cut into a shaggy bob. Her dress and makeup showed that our date was important to her.

“You look pretty, tonight. Your hair looks nice. It suits you short,” I said awkwardly, not knowing if it was the right time to say it.

She smiled at my compliment, “Thank you.”

The waiter interrupted us to take our drinks order, and to give us the menu. We chose what we wanted to eat. With our food on the table, we resumed our conversation.

“Do you want to tell me how we ended up on a blind date together?” I asked. Something told me it wasn’t just a coincidence.

“It wasn’t a blind date from my side,” Maddie confessed. She put down her knife and fork and tears welled in her eyes. “This is harder than I expected,” she admitted. A tissue was handed to her from one of the ladies on the table next to us who had been listening to our conversation. “The thing is, I’ve always liked you, even when we were growing up, and when I heard you were dating again, I just wanted to try. I thought you wouldn’t want to see me after what my brother did.”

“Jack is your brother?” came the shocked outburst from the same table the tissue came from.

“And was my best friend,” I thought they should know the full context of the story. These two revelations brought gasps from the table. “If you liked me, why didn’t you say anything?” I asked Maddie.

“Because you were with Gwen. I’m not like my brother.”

I sighed in resignation. She had a point. I would have told her an emphatic no if she asked me directly and it would have been wrong to judge Maddie by what her brother did. If I walked out now, I would have looked like a prize asshole.

“Alright, shall we try and enjoy tonight and see how it goes,” I suggested. “I’m sorry I tried to walk out earlier.”

“Thank you, I would like that,” she smiled with relief. “And don’t worry. It was a normal reaction. I would have done the same if I was in your place.”

Truth be told I had a good time. We caught up with our lives. She touched upon my divorce, but I told her I didn’t want to ruin our evening by talking about it. She understood.

At the end of the evening, when we walked out onto the street, she asked hopefully,

“What do you want to do now?”

I felt guilty, but all I wanted to do was to go home, “I’m sorry, Maddie. I had a great time tonight. I really did. But it has been emotionally tiring.”

“Oh, okay,” her disappointment was obvious.

“But this is only tonight. It doesn’t mean we can’t go out together again.”

“Really?” it made me happy to see her hope return.

“I’ll call you, I promise,” I opened my arms, and she happily came to me for a hug. Her hug felt good. It had been a long time since I felt the warmth of a woman in my arms, and I held her for longer than I intended. “I’m sorry!” I exclaimed when I realised that I had lost myself in our embrace.

“It’s alright,” she smiled happily. “I enjoyed it.”

I did call her, and we did go out again. Maddie was determined and patient. I was afraid to get too close. She wore me down. Seeing her smile at me made me feel happy. Her determination and refusal to give up on me, when I couldn’t always give her what she wanted or needed, built up my self-esteem and confidence. Knowing Maddie was prepared to do that for me made me feel like a man again. She was patient and understanding when I had issues when we first slept together.

I tried hard to control my feelings. I tried resisting what I knew to be true.

It was a battle I was always destined to lose, “I love you,” I told her out of the blue. It surprised me as much as her. I had never seen anyone so happy. I threw myself back into therapy with a determination to trust again.

After five months of dating, she wanted me to meet her parents again,

“They so want to see you,” she pleaded with me as she fought my reluctance. “They were so happy when I told them we were dating.”

I agreed, and I prepared myself mentally. What I wasn’t prepared for was the warmth of welcome. Maddie’s mum embraced me quite roughly in her excitement.

“It is so good to see you again, Will,” she told me. “We missed you.”

Maddie’s dad shook my hand so hard that I thought it would come off. The only uncomfortable moment was when I saw Jack.

“Hey, man,” he greeted me unhappily from the armchair he was sitting in. He didn’t look good. After Gwen cheated on him, he moved back with his parents, broke. He and Gwen went on a spending spree they couldn’t afford. When the money ran out, Gwen cheated looking for someone else to fund her spending.

It helped to see him that way. It helped knowing, after what he did, that I was in a better place than him.

“How’s Gwen?” I asked cruelly. He didn’t answer and left the room.

I did find out what happened to Gwen. She completely lost control of herself after she left Jack. She began to sleep with any guy who would buy her dinner and expensive drinks. There is only so much a person can do. She had a nervous breakdown and tried to commit suicide. She was committed to a psychiatric hospital where she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Everything then made sense. She was always a little manic. She would swing from being happy and telling me how much she loved me to screaming and shouting at me. When she finished, she would apologise and look ashamed of herself. At times she was emotionally exhausting. I suppose that was what drove her to cheat. I was working hard trying to get the mortgage paid and she wanted to have fun and got upset when I wouldn’t because I was taking my responsibilities seriously. We argued so much.

It was a surprise then, that just after Maddie moved in with me, I got a message from a former mutual friend saying Gwen wanted to meet.

I wasn’t sure it was a good idea. I didn’t want to bring back old painful memories.

“You need to face the past,” Maddie surprisingly encouraged me. “It might help us and heal your trust issues. You can’t stay in therapy forever. You have to face your fears. If she is difficult then you can just leave.”

They were wise words, and my therapist agreed.

When I met Gwen, she like Jack looked terrible. She had lost a lot of weight and looked anything but happy.

“Hello, Gwen,” I greeted her warily.

“Hello, Will,” she greeted me guiltily.

“How are you?”

“As good as can be expected,” she smiled weakly. “I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I’m taking medication for it.”

“I see. I’m sorry to hear that. Why did you want to meet?” I wanted to leave as quickly as possible.

Gwen took a deep breath, “I’ve decided that I need to try and make amends for all the problems I’ve caused people and I’m starting with you. I’m sorry, Will. I’m sorry for everything I did to you with Jack,” a tear rolled down her cheek. I wasn’t sure whether to believe it or not. “Cheating on you was bad enough but doing it with your best friend was cruel. If you want an explanation, I can’t give you one. I’m struggling to remember that part of my life. All I know was what I did and that you didn’t deserve it.”

I wasn’t sure how I felt hearing that.

“You left me in a dark place,” I told her angrily. “I suffered intense depression after being betrayed by my wife and best friend. I lost friends because of you. It took me two years to be in a place to date again. Even now I still have trust issues. That is what you did to me!” getting that off my chest felt good.

Gwen’s tears began to flow, “I’m sorry. If only I knew about my mental illness, I would never have cheated on you. I would have got help.”

“Well, I’m better now. I got through it and I’m dating now. I’m dating Jack’s sister,” I said the last part vindictively, only to make her feel bad. I knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as I said it.

Gwen looked crushed before she strangely smiled, “I hope she will make you happy. You deserve it.”

“Thank you,” I replied taken aback.

Her smile then dropped, “I have something else to tell you.” Here it comes I thought. “I’m dying.”

“What?” I said looking confused. That was the last thing I expected to hear.

“I have been diagnosed with cervical cancer. When I was sleeping around, sex started to become painful, and I was bleeding too. I ignored it. I was too focused on superficial things. My mental illness persuaded me not to take it seriously. By the time it became too much, it was too late. I’ve been told I only have six months to live.”

I was completely at a loss for what to say.

“Gwen,” I stammered. “I am so sorry.”

“This why I wanted to see you. I wanted to apologise for all the terrible things I’ve done, and I’ve done so many bad things to people.”

I became choked up with emotion, “I forgive you,” I told her. Whatever she did, she didn’t deserve to die for it.

Gwen began to sob with relief, “Thank you, Will. Thank you so much.” I wasn’t sure how Maddie would react, but I couldn’t help myself. I just took her into my arms.

“Being married to you wasn’t terrible. We were happy once, weren’t we?” I asked her. It was all I could think of saying.

“Yes,” she answered through her tears. “We were happy. Thank you, Will. I needed to hear that. I am truly sorry for how it ended.”

“I know you are. I’m glad we met.”

That meeting helped me put everything into perspective. It felt good to get everything off my chest, but it made me realise life is too short to hang on to the past.

Gwen fought on for nine months before she died. I went to the funeral. Hatchets were buried and people were forgiven. I did grieve for Gwen. I then got my head straight and focused on Maddie. She was my rock. I owed her so much and she brought me so much happiness. We married and had kids. Jack and I became friends again, but we were never best friends like we were.