Why You Must Never Date Anyone Who Is Married

You have met someone new. You have formed an emotional connection with them and you have that fuzzy excited feeling inside whenever you see them. But there is one problem. They are married.

This person is attractive and great company. They may be a co-worker, a friend or even the spouse of your friend.

You start to spend time together. They confide in you about the problems in their marriage. They confided in you, no one else! Your opinion matters to them. You exchange phone numbers and you begin to message each other. You can see how unhappy they are. You advise them on their marriage problems. You tell them they deserve better. You feed their ego and give them validation

Or maybe it just happens. You unexpectedly develop a connection with somebody. You don’t mean to, but you do. It must have been written in the stars.

Your relationship deepens into something romantic. Your feelings towards them become stronger and soon they are all you can think about.

STOP!

You have already crossed a line. Nothing good can come out of it for you no matter what you tell yourself or what they tell you.

Before you go any further, you MUST walk away. Stop contacting this married person, block their number and nurse your broken heart from afar.

“I know it is wrong but I can’t stop seeing them. My feelings for them are too strong. Their feelings for me are too strong.”

Yes, you can!

What happens next is a choice. You should be aware that you are putting yourself at risk and you should have better self-awareness and self-control. You are an adult, not a teenager that doesn’t know better.

You must not have a romantic relationship with them. Whatever the outcome, it is a lose-lose relationship for you.

“I know but….”

Look, I could go on about the morality of the situation but let’s focus on what having an affair with a married person means for you.

1. Illicit meetings for sex
2. Never being able to admit to your relationship
3. Being called the other woman/man
4. Having to accept that you will have to share their time with their spouse and children and often come second to them
5. Having to accept that when they aren’t with you, they could be having sex with their spouse
6. Dating a liar and a cheat
7. Late nights messaging and calls because that is the only time they can
8. Worrying that they will dump you to work on their marriage
9. Your lover constantly looking over their shoulder in case they are spotted with you
10. Constantly having to hear about their spouse and marriage problems
11. If they are a serial cheater, you are just another notch on their bedpost
12. Few affairs last the distance

Not exactly a recipe for a great romance is it?

Protect your self-respect. You may love that person but you shouldn’t have to come second to anybody in a romantic relationship. Your self-esteem shouldn’t be a casualty of your love affair.

That dopamine rush is strong, I know. I’ve been there. You can read my story about my affair with a married woman if you don’t believe me. But trust me it isn’t worth it.

Okay, what if, by some miracle, your lover decides you are the one for them and they leave their spouse for you? It means a happy ever after. right? Probably not.

Even if you go on and have a long and happy marriage, your relationship will always be tainted by your affair.

1. You will be labelled a homewrecker. Someone with low moral character.
2. You will be the cause of someone’s significant trauma
3. If they have children, you will be the evil stepmother/stepfather. The person who broke up their parents
4. If they have children, their ex-spouse will always be in the picture
5. Your new in-laws loved your new spouse’s ex and don’t like you
6. Their children might never want anything to do with your partner. Are you happy to be the reason for that
7. You will lose friends because they are disgusted by what you have done
8. Never being able to be fully truthful about how your relationship began for fear of being judged
9. The thrill of your affair becomes normal and you both will have to work on your relationship and suddenly they or you become less attractive.
10. Can you trust that they won’t cheat on you? They’ve done it once before, remember

Even after all this, more than 60% of second marriages end in divorce. It may be your first marriage but it is their second. It doesn’t look good, does it?

My dad left my mum for his affair partner and eventually married her. As a result, his two daughters (my sisters) refused to have anything to do with him afterwards. His only son (me) refused to have a relationship with her. Whenever I visited him, she had to endure someone in her home that detested her. Is that what you want? Do you want to experience that?

As I mentioned having an affair with someone who is married is a lose-lose situation for you. Walk away and save yourself from a lot of heartbreak and judgement.