The Original Sin of Infidelity

What led to your affair? Dead bedroom? The feeling that something was missing in your marriage that your affair partner gave you? Was your marriage abusive? Did you stop loving your spouse? Did you start to find your spouse unattractive? You settle down young and you wanted to find out what it would be like to be with someone else. Maybe there were other reasons. Only you know.

When you are with your affair partner, I bet you aren’t considering the consequences of it coming out into the open because you are so careful that it doesn’t. Your affair may have ended and you think you have got away with it. You have decided never to tell your spouse because you know how much it will hurt them. It can’t because no one else knows about it. Have you considered the consequences if it does maybe years later. You may be forced to confess.

If or when your affair sees the light of day you will be blamed for it. I’m sure you will try and shift some of the blame on the spouse you betrayed to ease your guilt but inside you know it is all on you.

However, I don’t want to talk about that.

I don’t want to talk about the illicit sex, the secret messaging late into the night with the “I love you” or discussing your marriage problems with someone else.

Because you aren’t completely responsible for your marriage problems. You wouldn’t have had your affair if there weren’t issues in your marriage. You wouldn’t have had your affair if you weren’t unhappy. You didn’t marry your spouse to have an affair.

Of course, not

However, go back to before your affair. Go back before the frustration and resentfulness towards your spouse. Go back to the time when your unhappiness began because that is when you made your original sin.

You didn’t communicate your unhappiness

You didn’t tell your spouse you were unhappy in your marriage. You never allowed your spouse to fix what was broken.

Communication and trust are the cornerstone of any relationship, not just marriage. By not communicating your unhappiness you took the first steps into betraying the trust your spouse has in you.

Did your spouse not deserve to know how unhappy you were. Did they not deserve to know they were living in an unhappy marriage?

Does that sound unfair to you?

“I did tell them I was unhappy”

Did you? Did you explicitly tell them you were unhappy? How many times did you tell them, once, twice, 10 times? Did you ambush them when they weren’t in a position to listen?

If you are unhappy in your marriage. You need to keep telling your spouse until they listen. If they still don’t listen, you can always divorce your spouse.

No marriage problem was ever resolved by an affair.

“They were abusive, so I had no choice but to have an affair.”

So you stayed in an abusive and had an affair. You chose to have an affair and continue to be abused. That is insane. You must see that.

You could have told someone about the abuse who wouldn’t have had an affair with you and they could have helped you escape your marriage.

It would be wrong of me not to point out that infidelity is a form of spousal abuse. By having your affair, you turned yourself into a perpetrator and your abusive spouse into a victim.

So we go back to the original sin of not communicating your unhappiness. That is your original sin. That is the sin that began it all. No one else can be blamed for that but you.